We are to decide

It's November already and I'm to decide... I'm writing this here, 'cause at the moment I'm on the threshold of decision which can change my life far and wide. The thing is that next summer I'll graduate from the University as a bachelor, so after that I should start doing my master's to get a diploma of full education. To do this you need to decide several things. 

First of all... 

- Dagnefur, what are you going to study?

- I've got absolutely no idea...

Secondly,

- Where are you going to study?

- Hm... abroad, maybe...

- Which language are you going to speak during your studies?

- I don't know? I can speak any but so-so...

- Where are you going to live?

- How are you going to pay?

- Which city will you choose?

Aaaaa! Damn it! I've got too many questions and none of the appropriate answers. 

I had a dream to live in Paris. To study and live there, 'cause for me it would be a perfect place. The atmosphere there is wonderful and I want so passionately to get to know the city closer than I did it at the first time being a tourist. I imagine myself walking throughout Paris exploring the city, citizens and myself. I so strongly believe that in Paris one could find oneself. But still it's a dream. In fact, after many years of studying French, this language still keeps to be the hardest for me to learn and to speak fluently. I'm not so good in it, I'm not sure that I could pass the international exam (DELF). Also Paris is the most expensive city to live in... no, to survive in. My parents have three children, I don't know how they would help me to survive there. I know that I'll have to work, but how? There are still so many questions to think of. 

Anyhow I need to decide only one thing - to go or not to go to Paris. After that I could start doing all the stuff to get myself ready for all the exams and all the difficulties which I would face. I know that Paris is a dream which I'm not ready to forget, maybe I'm too infantile, but still Paris remains the only city where I can imagine myself living now. Paris is the only thing which is worth moving and changing the language, worth abandoning friends and family, worth paying too much money, worth being all alone... 

This decision is to made at the most inappropriate moment in my life, only two months ago I would never even hesitate, but no I'm so irresolute and I don't know why. Now I need someone who could tell me what to do. I need someone who could help me to decide, who could inspire me to do something, 'cause at the moment I'm similar to a kind of a lazy amoeba which is doing nothing and so slow. I need someone who could tell me that I'm right in my decision to move to Paris and to study there. I don't want to make this decision all alone, 'cause I have absolutely no idea what would be right to do.

Breakfast

My everyday breakfast:

- a book

- a cup of coffee or tea

- orange juice

Copia conforme

I've finally managed to watch it! I've been trying to get this film without any translation for a long period of time, but I've found it and already watched it three or four times. I saw the trailer on apple's website and it has attracted my attention, 'cause Juliette Binoche is one of my favorite actresses and the I was attracted by the landscapes of Toscana, but I think that the main point of my interest was the fact that characters speak three different languages during the whole film, they speak english, italian and french, that's why their story and their situation drew my attention, anyhow I'm philologist. 

After watching "Copia conforme" I advised to explore it almost to all my friends, so after a week we had an interesting discussion about it, maybe, that's why I'm so inspired to write about this film here in my blog.

It's just a story of one day meeting. Woman meets English writer James, who came to Toscana to represent his new book which gave the name to this movie - Copia conforme. They start to talk about art and after some time their talks get more and more serious, they are starting their word-fight about life, experience, family, languages and their own places in lives of each other. In one moment the man starts to play the role of woman's husband, he supports her decision to set this one day performance on the stage of Toscana. She personifies each woman and he embodies every man, they are prototypes of simple persons and their relations. This is a story about difficulties of marriage and relations between men and women, this is a film about life and it may go under the skin and  find some space in one's heart.

It's just another year... but not for me!

This summer is over. I'm already here in front of my computer writing this words to get any visibility of activity. I created this blog a year ago, so now it's time to come back here again.

I don't know why I need this web-page every autumn, I suppose the reason is clear, I just need a calm place to write and to share with someone all the emotions and impressions I've got during my summer holidays. Sometimes it's hard to describe all that you've seen and felt during traveling, meeting new places and people, living another way of life, that's why I usually handle my moleskine or this blog to write down all the thoughts and experiences which I had. It's just a way of sharing my lifeline, who knows, maybe someone reads these words.

I believe that every written word has its influence and purpose, if you read a word, it influences on you. So, for me it's not just simple word-game or train of unpurposed thoughts, this is a way of expressing. This is another year of my thoughts and words, it's not so simple. This is a whole word-journey. Let's go!

Summer moved on

a-ha (part II)

I like to write about favourite things, a-ha isn't an exception. My acquaintance with their music is a long story and I'll write it all down here and share my memories letting them go on their own. 

In October 2003 I went to my first a-ha concert, it took place in Ice Palace Arena, I was 12. I was sitting near in the row not very close to stage, but I had a pair of glasses with me, so I could watch everything what was going on the stage. It was my first concert ever, I haven't known all the songs and all the words, I've had a feeling that I'd heard every song for the first time, like I'd not heard it before. It was true, 'cause live performing is a different thing, it gives you another feelings, every note and every voice goes under your skin and inspire you with energy and discover for you another sort of emotional influence. It seems ridiculous when I'm trying to describe it with words, all these words are worth feeling. 
I remember my astonishment when I saw the whole audience singing, applauding and crying. Every song was giving them energy, laugh, sorry, inspiration, memories. For the first time in my life I had this strange feeling of unity with a crowd without losing myself in it. Every person in the audience was an individual with his own thoughts and emotions about every song, but it didn't prevent us to unite for one evening during 2 hours of the show. I adore this feeling of overfilling happiness after the concert, it's worth living for.
My second concert took place after 3 years of waiting at the same place in Petersburg on the 10th of November in 2006. I was so exited to meet a-ha again, I was 15 and I think everyone can imagine the feelings of 15 years old girl... difficult age. Fortunately, I've passed through this age and can surely say that it was fine. Anyway, this concert was special just like the first one.
I went there with my dad, I've already written that he was the one who had given me Take on me to listen to for the first time. We were standing at the stalls, there was a huge crowd of fans, we united again for amazing performance. During 2 hours I listened to them live and got that feeling of inspiration that gave me confidence that I could do everything. Many fans tell that a-ha wrote songs about their lives, this words seem familiar to me. I now this thought that a-ha performs a song about my life, my feelings and emotions, it's true, but it's not only about one person, they sing and write lyrics about everybody, about things and situations which seem familiar to everyone, who has ever fallen in love or has been separated from his lover, about loneliness, sorrow, despair and search of your own way in life. That's why I like the song "Lifelines" so much, I adore this idea that everyone has his own lifeline to follow and the feeling of following it gives a confidence of every step that we make during your life. 

There is a huge list of advantages of live performed music. The sound is better, the way it influences on people is more effective, this is a situation when music becomes alive and takes it own steps which can give everyone something special to remember during the lifetime. 
I like the way members of a-ha behave on the stage. There tree of them: Morten Harket - singer, Magne Furuholmen - keyboard player and Paul Waaktaar-Savoy - guitarist, they are very different, I can't imagine more difficult union, 'cause everyone in this band has a complicated character and has his own ambitions to be reached. However, three of them have one thing in common, is the way they love music, I think they wouldn't have had such a great career of 25 years, if the hadn't loved music and its' role in their lives. They have different ambitions, but they try to reach them on the same level of devotion. When I saw them on the stage at first, I knew that I was looking at people who adored their lifework and they were very devoted to it. I think that's why everyone like their music, they like so much to play and create music, that it can't be unloved. 

I saw them for the third time after 3 years again, I think they decided to come to Russia every tree years. It was the era of Foot of the mountain, they have just created the new album and came to Petersburg. Just a month before this concert they announced that a-ha was going to end the career after 25 years in 2010. I was crushed by this news, I can't say that I wasn't expecting that, everyone who knew something about a-ha could foreknow this situation, anyhow this news was very sad for every fan of a-ha.
So, on 20 November in 2009 I went to their concert and I was sure that it was my last chance to see them on stage. It was a great show, I was absolutely happy, light, sound, costumes, people around me, everything was perfect. I remember my astonishment and this feeling of self-confidence at the moment, when the words from different songs were running on the big screen behind the band. Every word had set meant something in my life, I was free to decide, I was confident to make my choice during the lifetime, it was like a flash to me, I just got the certitude in the fact that every decision I make is right, only I am to decide for myself, only I can follow my lifeline, only I am to live my life on my own. I'm very grateful to a-ha for this feeling. It makes me free. So, a-ha, thank you very much!
  After the concert I understood that I still was keeping a light of hope somewhere very deep inside that I would see them once again. I was right! 


* All the photos presented in this message I've made myself on the 11th of November 2010.

I want to live in this room