It's November already and I'm to decide... I'm writing this here, 'cause at the moment I'm on the threshold of decision which can change my life far and wide. The thing is that next summer I'll graduate from the University as a bachelor, so after that I should start doing my master's to get a diploma of full education. To do this you need to decide several things.
First of all...
- Dagnefur, what are you going to study?
- I've got absolutely no idea...
Secondly,
- Where are you going to study?
- Hm... abroad, maybe...
- Which language are you going to speak during your studies?
- I don't know? I can speak any but so-so...
- Where are you going to live?
- How are you going to pay?
- Which city will you choose?
Aaaaa! Damn it! I've got too many questions and none of the appropriate answers.
I had a dream to live in Paris. To study and live there, 'cause for me it would be a perfect place. The atmosphere there is wonderful and I want so passionately to get to know the city closer than I did it at the first time being a tourist. I imagine myself walking throughout Paris exploring the city, citizens and myself. I so strongly believe that in Paris one could find oneself. But still it's a dream. In fact, after many years of studying French, this language still keeps to be the hardest for me to learn and to speak fluently. I'm not so good in it, I'm not sure that I could pass the international exam (DELF). Also Paris is the most expensive city to live in... no, to survive in. My parents have three children, I don't know how they would help me to survive there. I know that I'll have to work, but how? There are still so many questions to think of.
Anyhow I need to decide only one thing - to go or not to go to Paris. After that I could start doing all the stuff to get myself ready for all the exams and all the difficulties which I would face. I know that Paris is a dream which I'm not ready to forget, maybe I'm too infantile, but still Paris remains the only city where I can imagine myself living now. Paris is the only thing which is worth moving and changing the language, worth abandoning friends and family, worth paying too much money, worth being all alone...
This decision is to made at the most inappropriate moment in my life, only two months ago I would never even hesitate, but no I'm so irresolute and I don't know why. Now I need someone who could tell me what to do. I need someone who could help me to decide, who could inspire me to do something, 'cause at the moment I'm similar to a kind of a lazy amoeba which is doing nothing and so slow. I need someone who could tell me that I'm right in my decision to move to Paris and to study there. I don't want to make this decision all alone, 'cause I have absolutely no idea what would be right to do.
