What if...?

I can't fall asleep this night... again. So, I'm here to write something that is on my mind right now.

Today when I was saying to myself that everything is fine with me, I thought over about happiness. We all always have been told to appreciate the moments of happiness, 'cause they are so fleeting. I know that and I try to value the instants of unmeasurable happiness and just the simple moment when I can surely say that I'm fine, I'm not depressed, my family and friends are safe, healthy and loved. It's quite easy to be happy, we all just should learn how to rejoice the simplicity of life and everything that happens to us. I know that and I truly believe in it, but... there is always a "but" (how do I hate to hesitate!)... What if that amount of happiness is all for me? What if I never get happier? What's then? What should I do at the moment of unhappiness? I don't want to become older and think about this moment as the most happy time of my life, no! I want more! And it should not seem greedy, it's natural necessity of everyone, and everyone deserves it. 

I think that everyone should decide what amount of happiness he wants to get from life. For example, one of my friends has a happy marriage, she has a wonderful husband and adorable son, she doesn't work, 'cause she doesn't need to encourage her ambitions, she's enough. I'm very happy for her, but as for me, I can't  be satisfied with all she has. A happy marriage and family is not enough for me. You may think that now I'm contradicting myself, but it's not so simple. Having all this, I mean happy family, is happiness for every woman, but some of us don't want to get more, 'cause they maybe just don't want to or hesitate, because none of us knows what amount of happiness we could get from life. I don't know when I should stop trying to become more happier. That's the problem.

At the moment, everything is fine with me. I'm a student of the best Uni in my city and it's one of the best from all over the world, my family is healthy and fine, I have wonderful friends about which many people could dream, and right now I'm not afraid to put the evil eye upon it, 'cause I know how to appreciate all that I have. I just don't know what to do if it's all that I can get. I know exactly what I want right know, I'm trying to get this, but what if I can't? What if I'm not for it... for happiness? Should I stop trying and just start to enjoy what I've already got? I really need an answer.